This was a piece I wrote about a year ago. I’ve pulled it out of hiding having been inspired by rocknrollnobody’s piece on addiction. Enjoy..
Admitting you have a problem is the first step…so before your family and friends stage an intervention, does any of this sound familiar?
- A TV game qualifies as a “date”
- You spend most of said game wishing your date would shut up and keep his hands to himself
- There’s a Phoenix Coyote bobblehead on your desk..and you talk to it
- Your kid does the goalie stretch in the dirt at tball because she thinks that’s what “warm up” meant
- The team sent you a holiday card in a HAND addressed envelope
- There is a “proper” way to bang the glass and you’ve shown others how to do it
- You chant and cheer in your living room…alone
- You are seriously considering naming your next child, boy or girl, Zybnek, Peter or Petr (yes there IS a difference!)
- One team isn’t enough and you start watching any and all teams (does that make the Coyotes a gateway drug?)
- You are THOROUGHLY convinced that your team didn’t win because you wore the wrong shirt or didn’t get to watch the game (I know this is why the Coyotes can’t win in Canada)
- 1/3 of your wardrode has a howling Coyote head on it. Seek extra help if your underwear does. Not that I know anything about that..AHEM
Other symptoms include night sweats, headaches and feelings of anxiety when you haven’t seen a live game in 2 weeks. Users may also experience great bouts of euphoria on a winning streak and depression over a shootout loss. Don’t discontinue use, just take 2 tickets and call me in morning.